Pie: Hello again 😀 It’s been a while! Thank-you saintly person for reading our blog. It’s really great to know we have people reading this (and hopefully getting some enjoyment out of it too!) The idea for this particular post came out of the blue, in my english class we have 5 minute freewrites (when you write about something for 5 minutes). Now normally I find these so called “freewrites” quite boring they make me yawn and my mind wander back to my warm bed. This freewrite was different. I started pouring out phrases that really made no sense while I was writing them. Like the Beatles said,
“Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup,
They slither while they pass they slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my open mind,
Possessing and caressing me.”
I’m not trying to say my words hold a candle to theirs, but my words came out freely. When I wrote my freewrite I realized that the experiences that I was making up were actually my experiences in dealing with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome. It was a bit odd to unknowingly write something meaningful without realizing it. This freewrite explains how my life has changed through being sick better than I think I could have attempted to explain through a different approach. Like Teddy explained in her last post about how great writing in a journal can be. Writing can help get bottled up feelings released. Same as reading can, or singing or dancing. Anything that you enjoy to help you not concentrate on the hard days. The good days are what matters, whether they are often or far between. This freewrite means a lot to me…..It’s hard to post this actually, because it’s really personal. But that’s what this post is about! Being able to relate to one another through realistic experiences. So please enjoy!
I fell into a liquid vacuum. It sucked me up and rearranged my way of thinking. I forgot how to remember, I lost my way, I fell into the nothingness, I sunk into the sky, I dropped my heart and I ran forwards and was pushed back. Sinking into the cold eerie light underneath my leather footwear. No explanations, no destination. The only options, to keep moving, keep pushing, and to keep trusting in the nothing of the everything. I was left to exist, but I chose to defeat. Defeat the choices I was forced to make. Choices that are made for you are lies in disguise. Reasons masked up to look correct and right. Lies were fed to me by the hands of an imposter I call sickness. I’ve forgiven but I have yet to forget. It’s unlikely they did the same. In my heated anger I became unfamiliar to my own recognition. I lost what I knew and forgot what I wasn’t. Sickness views and watches what I have become. A child left to fight off an invisible force. Mechanical and robotic they attempt to destroy, while I fight to live. I beg you to do the same. Their masks will dissolve and reveal their vulnerability. No mask will be found upon my soul. They have ripped mine off to leave me raw and unprotected. I have a world to gain and nothing left to lose. What if I refuse, refuse to be their ideal victim? Will their galaxies fade and their motivation turn to dust like mine did? A ticking clock will be my answer. I am more powerful than these masked terrors. I will leave them like dust in a bloodthirsty desert. I will say to them, ‘How does it feel to be defeated by your prey? No longer will you control me! I have fought and I will win. Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome I will defeat you. I will reclaim my wishing stars, dreams, loves, aspirations, hopes, beliefs, values, heart, mind, soul, body, independence, strength, being and life. I will never be fooled by your cruel ways again.’
So, thats what a freewrite is! Now if someone says do you know what a freewrite is? You can say PSH YES! This post is a tad too depressing for me. I am sorry if you were wanting to read something more entertaining. My point in this post is for you to keep the bigger picture in mind. Even though I am still struggling with this sickness I am not letting it take over. POTS will not win because I won’t let it. This is the same thing for anyone fighting a disease or sickness. Keep an open mind, and enjoy the life you are given. For better for or worse we are all unique. This is something that has changed me and helped sculpt me to the person that I am and will become.
I am going to totally copy Teddy and put in a funny video at the end of this (serious) post. Because our blog is about making the best of a hard situation! As you know, Teddy and I are HUGE animal lovers so when we came across this video it was an instant hit. Teddy and I quote movies, videos, books, and t.v. shows like it’s going out of style. This video holds some of our favorite lines to quote. My Mommy (yes I said Mommy ❤ ) even quotes it. She will say ALLAN ALLAN ALLAN around the house if she wants to get a laugh out of me 😀
Honestly who doesn’t love dentist monkeys, Michael Jackson birds, a good game of nighttime daytime, beat-boxing chipmunks, consciences, and caffeinated owls? They are a must in my household! Thank-you once again for reading my fellow blogger! Have a splendiferous day!!