Dancing in the Kitchen

Hey guys and gals!

Pie here. Last semester I wrote a paper about the “storm in my life” for my theology course. I bet you can imagine what I wrote about! But if you are new here, or do not know, I talk about my battle with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome. I have grown up in a family that is religious. But please know that I am not trying to shove religion down anyones throats. This is just my own story and I wanted to share it with you. I wrote it for my theology class, that’s the reason for all of random quotes XD they were a part of our assignment. Hope you enjoy it, I really liked this assignment ❤

Dancing in the Kitchen

Robert Ellsberg once wrote, “A peacemaker prays. Prayer is the beginning and the end, the source and the fruit, the core and the content, the basis and the goal of all peacemaking (Ellsberg, 153).” I believe that we need to have blind faith through prayer. The problem is that we live in a day in age that people rely so heavily upon themselves, while forgetting to look towards God. We focus on what we believe measures our self worth such as, the worldly possessions that we value, but those will not last. Things such as money, status, and health are temporary and can be easily lost. We need to let God work though us, and help us to let go of our desperate need to control our lives. It amazes me how little control we actually have in this world. When I lost my control I was led to God. My spirituality and prayers were the core and foundation that protected me from the tribulations in my life. They were there for me in the beginning and I can be sure they will be there until the end. In the darkest time in my life I was immersed in a sea of prayers, those of my own, my family, friends, and strangers as well. One always knows they are lost in a storm when strangers are praying for their safety back to shore. I am desperately thankful that the strangers, friends, and family in my life that never gave up on me because, without knowing it, I needed them.

In the fall of 2004 I was a vivacious ten-year old with a big personality and bleached blonde hair. I had just transferred to a Christian elementary school, which scared me at first, but soon I came to realize how happy the school made me. This school taught me how to actively live through my Christian faith on a day-to-day basis. Which is a lesson I have carried with me for my entire life. Dauntingly, I had no way of knowing that I was a few months away from the storm of my life. My storm started, as many do, with a few raindrops. My body’s immune system was struggling to fight off viruses and I found myself sick every couple of weeks. With every stomach bug, flu, or cold, my body would not fully heal and soon I felt as though I was sick every day. My once blonde hair changed to brown and I felt like I was slowly losing my identity. I did not know who I was after everything I had know was stripped from my life. I was not sick everyday with a cold per se, but suddenly my well of energy had run dry. I spent the majority of my days lying on the couch, watching television. By the time I started fifth grade the energetic ten year old I had once been, had deserted me, and I was left with a new person who I did not recognize, but at the same time, was all I had left.

My memories from my eleventh year are blurred. I remember taking a nap every day, going to school three times a week (if it were a good week), listening to books on tape, and last but not least, going to doctor’s offices. In the past ten years my veins have run dry from every vile taken and my throat closed to every pill swallowed. The blood results were without fail perfect, and on paper I was a healthy little girl. I was so desperate for a diagnosis that I would pray for the test results to come back positive. My sickness was grueling for me, but much harder on my family. My parents worked tirelessly to discover a cure. I went to the finest hospitals and spoke with the greatest doctors in the country and finally, I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue. Fatigue means tired and chronic translates to all of the time. It was not a true diagnosis, just a title for the unknown. Soon doctors would turn me away because they too, could not see the cause of my storm. I was not diagnosed with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome until I was a freshman in highschool.

Looking back, my Mom ensured I never fell into depression. She made sure every week I would have something small to look forward to. We watched comedies, made delicious food, did science experiments with my neighbors, read funny books, and most importantly we laughed. My childhood was never deprived of laughter and that was the best medicine. I think that is what God wants for me, a life of laughter and letting go of control. On my hardest days my Mom would be in the kitchen and she would pull me in and dance with me. I would rest my weary body against hers and she would sing to me and spin me around. She taught me to see happiness in my suffering and hope in my recovery. My life storm relates back to my theology class because they both have taught me how to live life to the fullest and how to remain thankful. My mom gave me peace just like when Jesus bid farewell to his beloved apostles he said, “Peace I leave to you, my own peace I give to you; a peace the world cannot give, this is my gift to you (Ellsberg).” It is challenging to find peace within a storm but I have found, if one looks long enough, it is possible.

Dancing with my Mom in the kitchen was more powerful than any diagnosis. Laughter brought me peace and simultaneously destroyed my self-pity. I wanted to choose a path that did not lead to a loss of hope. My life’s peace remained fairly strong throughout the lifespan of my storm but I vividly recall three moments where my hope was shaken. Each time was almost identical to the other where I stood in my sister and my bedroom, sobbing and begging God to heal me. I asked him why this was happening to my family and why I had to watch their hearts be broken. I felt guilty that my pain had become their pain, and my burden was theirs to carry. It is much easier to feel pain inflicted upon yourself, than to see your own pain reflected through the eyes of the people you love. Despite my frustration, I always felt God’s innate calming presence in our conversations, which is something Teasedale would describe as the “quieting of emotions”(Teasdale, 24). My struggle left me with two choices, to either turn my back on God, or to walk with him.

My illness instilled a blind faith in my heart. I truly believe that suffering is one of life’s greatest teachers. My path relates to those in Modern Spiritual Masters, because my storm led me to God just like, Mother Teresa, Thomas Merton, and Henri Nouwen. Mother Teresa found her blind faith through prayer and she said that, “Work cannot substitute prayer. Nevertheless, we can learn to make work a prayer…by doing our work with Jesus and for Jesus. (Ellsberg, 27).” Mother Teresa has taught me that I feel closest to God, not when I am helping myself, but when I am focusing on others. For the duration of my illness my family kept me strong and humble and I was reminded that many children were suffering more greatly that I could imagine.

I lived with this severe illness well into my high school years and looking back I cannot imagine the person I would be without the conflicts I have faced. I can now be a support system to the people around me and finally start thanking God for all of the angels he has sprinkled throughout my life. A wise woman named Wangari Maathai once described, a hummingbird putting out a fire with one drop of water at a time, she explained that one drop may seem insignificant, but the small bird is just doing the best it can. When we are put up against trials such as these, it is our duty to try and put out the fire whether it is our friend’s demon or our own. We can alleviate their pain by just being there to comfort them in their time of need. I cannot express in full the importance our actions have on people. Without my Mother, Father, family, friends, and even, strangers I would never be where I am today. (Maatihai)

The best words I can use to describe what my storm has taught me are not my own, they come from Robert Ellsberg, and through my class readings his words ring in my ears and overpower all of the other voices. I want to live life through this phrase, “Make sure that you let God’s grace work in your souls by accepting whatever he gives you, and giving him whatever he takes from you. True holiness consists in doing God’s will with a smile (Ellsberg, 33)”. Life may have given me an illness that seemed unbearable at times but I am proud of how I handled it. If I have learned anything from my life, it is to not take things for granted like I once, did in years past. The teachings of this class have shown me that kindness of a neighbor can go much further than self pity, and we become who we are meant to be by building each other up. Gandhi told us that our values become our destiny; therefore, we can never be who we are meant to be, without helping our neighbors become who they are destined to be.

Thanks for reading! Have a wonderful rest of your day ❤

Pie

What Am I Going To Do?

Hi guys, it is Pie! I wrote this post a couple years ago back when I was in high school. I stumbled across this little gem while I was looking through some blog posts that I never finished. Hope you enjoy it ❤

 

You know that feeling? That sick indescribable feeling when your heart sinks into your stomach and a thought flashes through your mind, “What am I going to do?” It happens a lot doesn’t it, especially on a truly awful day. It normally happens when we are at a very low point in our life, year, week, or even hour. It happens to me when I am fighting off a virus or a virus has completely taken over me. I’ve been sick twice in the past week and a half. I was really stressed about this school year because I had five classes that were extremely difficult. I missed the first three days of school because I was on vacation. Therefore, I had a lot of makeup homework. To say the least Pie was SUPER stressed out! Five hard classes and enough homework to sink a ship. That Thursday, my horse died. It was one of the worst experiences I have gone through. I had to complete my homework while doing some hard core crying. Naturally I had a test the next day. I got a cold that weekend! Even through all of this I still had an awesome weekend because my loving….my amazing….and sweet friends threw me a surprise birthday party! After that weekend I told myself

“I can’t do this. I can’t take all of these hard classes. What if I get sick and miss school? I will never catch up! I can’t even handle missing three days! I normally miss a lot more than that!!!!!”

I talked to my Mom and Teddy and they agreed with my that I needed to drop Spanish III. Spanish is the only class I am taking that I technically am not required to take. I dropped that class like a hot potato. I traded it in for a study hall. Dropping that class made all of the difference! I still have a decent amount homework but I’m not drowning in it.

With POTS I have learned what I can manage and what I have to give up. It’s a hard lesson but one that is needed to recover. If you put too much on your shoulders you will crash. I could see it before my eyes this life being unveiled to me, taking five difficult classes, taking the SATs, and applying to colleges I was going to crash who knows when! But it would surely happen. Would it be worth it? No. I don’t think it would be.

Trust me. In the long run, it’s better to put your health first. It’s not worth getting sicker. Train your mind to weed out what you can and clearly can’t do. I never plan too many things for one weekend because if I do that then I will be jeopardizing my ability to go to school the following week. If you have POTS (or any chronic illness) I feel like it’s natural to start realizing what you can do. It’s more of a HA yeah right I can’t do all of that! Crazy talk is coming out of your mouth right now! (like my reference to Legend of Korra?) ….(do you watch Legend of Korra?)…..(yes, Pie is talking about a nickelodeon show)….(Please, don’t judge me 🙂 )

I’ve been sick a lot in the past few weeks. Three times to be exact. That’s a lot of crappy Pie days. It’s scary because sometimes I question if I am coming down with a virus or if my POTS is getting worse. It’s scary and I hate the feeling of the unknown. But, freaking myself out also isn’t going to fix anything. When you are sick try to give your poor sickly little self a break. It’s really not your fault. Don’t ever EVER think this is your fault. It has absolutely nothing to do with you or me. We were “lucky” or chosen upon from a random force. WOOHOO! We won the raffle to get some supermegafoxyawesomehot chronic illness. Next time I am asking for a super power in my side effects. Because mine are clearly lacking superpowerness. My friends would probably say if I had a superpower it would be napping. I am an excellent napper. I can nap anywhere, any time. I’m not sure if this is a curse or a blessing because napping isn’t really good for us POTSters. I try not to nap often. I only nap when I am sick or when I am feeling well I will nap once every couple of weeks.

I guess I am trying to say just hang in there. I’ve used this analogy before but sometimes I’ve felt that my body is like a plane with a faulty engine and I am a passenger inside. Sometimes the plane flies smoothly but others I am really frightened and feel out of control. I have a  body with bipolar syndromes! One day I feel great the next I have the flu. I’m not bipolar though. That is not one of the syndrome baseball cards I have collected.

My sister and my family light up my bad days. Find things that fill your sad heart with light. It may not seem like much, a silly video sent from Teddy or a funny story my mom tells me but they make my hard days memorable for a good reason. It gives me a reason to laugh and be thankful. Those little things can make a bad situation tolerable. I hate the feeling of what am I going to do. I hate it. Don’t you? It makes me feel miserable! You feel isolated in a puddle of worry and sickness. This sickness can make you feel self centered. It’s not like we have a choice. We have to over analyze normal situations to make sure we are well enough to do them. Anything from working out to going to the movies with friends. Were not self centered our body is just an attention hog.

The next time you ask yourself what you are going to do and how will you manage another day take a deep breath in. It is all going to be okay. I know life can be extremely hard and frustrating but those little things that make you smile are worth holding on to. Our lives can change in an instant so when you are feeling terrible always hold on to the hope that you might feel better in an hour or a day. Try not to focus on the opposite….like in an instant you could feel terrible.

“Somedays aren’t yours at all,
They come and go
As if they’re someone else’s days
They come and leave you behind someone else’s face
And it’s harsher than yours
And colder than yours”

This song randomly popped into my head. Somedays by Regina Spektor. It fits though. Our bodies are not our own, and we are reminded on a daily basis that we don’t have full control over ours. Our souls have a purpose though. A purpose that was planted by God and we have been carrying in our bodies all of our life. It is the one part of you that makes you different. It is Teddy’s love for writing and my love of painting. It is my Mother’s love of helping and consoling others and my Father’s love for healing people. It is my bird’s love for singing and my cat’s love for eating. When you read my last few sentences I am sure something popped into your mind. That one thing that calms your heart. That one thing that tells you that everything is going to be okay. Never forget the part of you that is so incredibly unique. It is there for a reason. Just like you. It is just hides in the shadows of your bad days. But never disappears completely.

 

Love,

Little Ol’ Pie

Guess Who’s Back?

My dear Friends! I hope you have not forgotten about little ol’ Pie because I most certainly have not forgotten about you! I have been MIA for a good hunk of time and that needs to change! This last year was my freshman year of college so now I return to you are a wise, mature, worldly, blah, blah, blah, blah, just kidding XD I am still me! I just have one year’s worth of new experiences to add to my list. It is summer time and I was randomly thinking about Teddy and my blog and it hit me that I hadn’t checked up on you all in quite some time! I was wondering if you have any questions in particular? Do you have any POTS related questions? Or college? Or love? Or staying positive? Or exercise related questions? ANYTHING you need some advice on! I don’t care if it is about what shirt to wear today or what movie to see. Teddy and I love helping out (Granted, I am not sure how helpful it is if I help pick out a movie for you….but I am more than willing!). We want this blog to relate and pertain to your life! We want to be able to help you in any way we can. We live with POTS and have individually lived with many different stages of this illness and we want to help you in whatever stage you are at 🙂 We send our love and keep us posted on what you want to see in the future!

Much love,

Pie

Fashion Gurus

Hello my fashionable friends! Pie here! I thought it would be a splendid idea to share with you one of the things that has been making me a happy pie! A couple months ago I discovered fashion gurus on youtube. What is a fashion guru? I didn’t know either! Basically it is when someone dedicates their youtube account solely to fashion, makeup,tutorials, and such. Their videos range from make-up tutorials to do it yourself tutorials to fashion hauls. Fashion hauls are my favorite because I am not obsessed with makeup at this point in my life. This might change but for now I am really enjoying the jewelry and clothing. As you may or may not know…I make jewelry! I love seeing different types of jewelry without having to go to the mall. And like a lot of girls I like cute clothes. It is nice knowing what stores have what and learning about the latest fashion trends. I wanted to share with you my newest findings.

I only know a few people with POTS but collectively we all find that we need some sort of distraction to numb our brains. Things like video games, the interweb and television. I watch these videos when I am taking a break. Shall we start??

First! Michelle Phan

http://www.youtube.com/user/MichellePhan?feature=watch

here is your linkage! She is one of the most well known of the fashion gurus I am going to introduce you to. Her knowledge of makeup and style is amazing. On her channel she shows her viewers how to achieve impressive costume makeup and also so many cute little beauty tricks and tips. She even has music videos!  Out of all of the people I am showing you today Michelle knows the most about beauty.  I totally recommend her! She even has the right voice. For me personally I can’t listen to youtubers that have irritating voices! They drive me crazy…as mean as that sounds. Michelle’s voice is calm, cool, and collected. She makes makeup seem easy and fun. It is her canvas! I love it! Here is a little video to get started!

Second! ARose186!

Arden is completely hilarious! She is a spunky, stylish, wacky high schooler who loves fashion. Her blog includes everything! Thrifting, make-up tutorials, favorite products, clothing hauls (Which is just showing their newest clothing finds), DIY’s, outfit of the days, and much much more! I will admit sometimes I don’t know how she can pull of the crazy clothes she buys! But she manages!  She will make you laugh! I love her energy! She has hundreds of videos! Her channel gives you the opportunity to pick and chose what fits your taste. Here is a little introductory video! Who else could better explain Arden than..Arden?

Third! Clothesencounters

http://www.youtube.com/user/clothesencounters

Jen’s style is extremely unique! She is one cool cat. A lot of her wardrobe consists of thrift store outfits and she rocks them. She and ARose186 both love THRIFTING and are very successful in their findings. She understands how to make old clothes stylish and work for you.  I don’t know how to explain this but Jen is the kind of girl you want as a friend. She has this easiness about her personality and an inspiring outlook on life. She is fashion forward and like the other two ladies she also has GREAT VIDEOS!  Here is a little push to get you started

Fourth! Michele1218

http://www.youtube.com/user/michele1218

Michele is the person who got me hooked on beauty videos! She is not to be mistaken for Michelle Phan (different person) I will admit I can’t relate as much to this Michele because a lot of her clothes are for the working woman. And me, being a high schooler who babysits….can’t relate. Doesn’t mean you won’t! I still really enjoy her site! She has the largest makeup collection I have ever seen….come to think of it she has a lot of large collections! My favorite parts about her channel are her jewelry and her clothing hauls. She is adorable! The things she buys on  are a little bit more on the pricey side. It is still really fun to watch! Surprise surprise here is a jewelry video by Ms. Michele herself!

Fifth! EssieButton

http://www.youtube.com/user/essiebutton

Essie is funny 🙂 I like her so much. She is adorable! She is constantly acting like she doesn’t know what she is doing filming beauty videos but she is so good at it! I feel like I am talking to a friend while watching her videos. I just discovered her the other day. Her awkward nature is endearing. She lives in the UK but is from Canada. So she says aboot like a good Canadian! And also probably says sorry as sohrry (My friend asked me if I was canadian because of how I say sorry) Here is the first video I ever watched by Essie! Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tyrd_Bt8pvE

I give you five new friends! To help you on your journey of fashion! I totally understand if you don’t get hooked on each one, I just hope that at least one will fit your style. Do not feel too overwhelmed with all of this linkage, that is why I stuck to only five links. Five completely different woman who make fashion even more fun! It is like having our very own team of project runway designers at our fingertips! YAY! You can still do things in your life to make yourself feel beautiful! I know some days it is hard to even leave the house. I wear P.J.s 90% of the time. Teddy lately has been prancing around in all sorts of adorable outfits, hairstyles, and makeups. It is really fun looking nice for school or an outing! A cute outfit or hairstyle will make you feel better! You might even get a boost of energy alongside a boost of confidence! Just because we have an invisible syndrome it doesn’t mean we have to feel invisible or unattractive. In actuality we look pretty normal so….we can still look supermegafoxyawesomehot even if we feel like CRAP! Take that world! Here we come. If you can’t take that step yet, order an adorable pair of pajamas and rock them around the house. The other day I found a pair of pajamas that were….wait for it….pink and covered in cats! I know how cool am I? They are awesome! I am a big fan of them! It’s all good when you are wearing a bucket load of cats on your pants. What could be better? Nutthing that’s what!

Thanks for reading my dear reader! You make Teddy and I so happy! It is the best feeling in the world to come home to a new comment or follower! Thanks for adding sunshine into our lives! Good luck tomorrow! Mondays can be hard! Have an amazing week 🙂

Lots of Love

Pie                       P.S. This is one of my own drawings/ paintings down below! I thought it fit the theme of this blog 🙂

Fuzzy SuperVitiminC Man

Hey guys! What’s going on? It is Pie by the way. I thought I would write a post while I am experiencing a wondrous head cold. It is too much fun and just begging to be blogged about. So…you know how this year’s version of the flu is especially bad? Yes? No? Well, it is! This was the first year that I said,  “Mom I am not getting a flu shot.”  I told her this because the past two times I got a flu shot I came down with a TERRIBLE, AWFUL, DISGUSTING Cold….. yuck! I am officially 18 so in my mind not getting my annual flu shot was a big deal. I’m 18 I can make one independent decision maybe? Possibly? Yes? I put my footie down! But of course the universe laughed at me because now there is a flu epidemic. I have POTS and asthma so coming down with the flu really would be quite the traumatic  experience. I ended up getting the dreaded flu shot. Let me just explain this one thing, I do not mind getting shots. I have had so many shots and needles drinking up my blood to be tested that I am pretty used to it. They truly don’t bother me until I get a cold after having a flu shot. That is when Pie gets irritated. I got this flu shot at my local grocery store this past monday….(exactly a week from today). I did not realize that right next to the frozen goods  was a little tiny waiting room with a T.V. playing relaxing music and showing images of happy fish swimming in a reef. Was that supposed to make me feel better about getting a shot that would give me a cold?

The lady at the front desk gave me a clip board with all of these questions I needed to answer. Goodness gracious that was hard! I hadn’t the slightest idea what they were asking me. When I finished  filling out the pop quiz that I failed I waited in the waiting room. I think the exotic fish were mocking me. Oh yes pie this is a happy happy place. We will take good care of you. This is the last time I trust fish! When the pharmacist came in we talked for a few minutes and I just happened to mention that I always got sick after I got a flu shot. She told me that wasn’t possible. All of my doctors always tell me it is impossible to get the flu from the flu shot because it is a dead virus….but I always get sick that week! Coincidence? I think not dear sir!  I think not! Do my doctors sign an oath promising they won’t  tell a soul that they are injecting viruses into their patients?

So I got the shot from my grocery store’s pharmacist it did not hurt one bit. It was practically painless. Weirdly enough…when I walked out she told me to wait around the store for five to ten minutes in case I had a reaction or started feeling sick. I laughed in my head when she said this because I have never ever heard someone say this! Teddy and my Mom had been to the same pharmacy three days earlier and they weren’t held hostage! Do you know what I did when she said this? I nodded and just walked right on out of there! I live so close to my grocery store that by the time I would show symptoms I would be home.

After four days I was pretty positive this magical food store flu shot was heaven sent! I felt fine! Totally fine. Happy Pie! What did they put in that shot? Virus fighting veggies? SuperVitiminC Man? Cheese? Happiness? Yup I felt fine. Maybe a little tired? But that is normal for me. I had a birthday party friday night and I noticed I was losing my voice  a bit. I thought it was because I am such a chatterbox. The next day (saturday) my throat was really rough and raspy like a rockstar. I was pretty tired but staying up late does that to POTS peeps. But when Sunday came I knew! I KNEW WHAT WAS WRONG! I had my Momma check that sore rockstar throat and do you know what she found? I will give you a hint it wasn’t SuperVitiminC MAN! My throat was red with little white dots! GASP! NO! What? That can’t be possible? Grocery store shot? I trusted you. You were supposed to keep me safe. **cries**

Yeah so Pie is sick. Shocker. Want to hear something ironic? Flu shots take two weeks to work! Come on! This is a weird cold because I don’t have a stuffy nose (thank goodness) I do have a sore throat and I am very dizzy. My head feels like someone scooped out my brain and filled my head to the brim with cotton balls. To quote…You’ve Got Mail I feel fuzzy. That is the only way I can describe how I am feeling. How is Pie today? Fuzzy? Absolutely positively fuzzy thank you dear reader and yourself?

This weekend I am finishing up my art portfolio and it is a challenge. I feel way too fuzzy for this! I am feverish and icky. For some reason when I get a cold my brain gets scared of random things. Yesterday Teddy and I were playing our Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets computer game (Are you jealous of our awesomeness? Playing a game made for 10 year olds?) She had her hair up in a pony tail and she was sitting in an office chair and her pony tail kept moving in a weird way and kept scaring me! I don’t know why!! It looked like a cat or something? Or a rat? Ahhh * hides in corner**  Then later that day I was walking over to our couch and a pair of UGGs scared the  heebie jeebies out of me.

I feel so strange 😦 And I wanted to share my adventures with you. Because you understand my pain. Now…my Mother just informed me that I probably didn’t get sick from my flu shot. Okay… Teddy and I did have a friend over who ended up getting sick this week and when I went to that birthday party my other friend was feeling sick. But….it had to be the flu shot right? Sadly I have to wait another week until I am immune to the flu. Universe stop teasing me. I don’t have any interest in getting the flu.

Please do not get sick! Trust me you aren’t missing out! I can’t even describe how I feel. I feel mentally aware but my thought process is extremely slow. Thanks for listening to me you are pretty cool. I think I will keep you around. I like you. I think I am going to go find a hot beverage and snuggle a cat. Until we meet again!

Lots of LOVE,

Fuzzy Pie

P.S. Maybe it is the flu shot apocalypse? Just a thought.

Magazine Art

Pie:My dear reader 🙂 I hope you are having a marvelous Thanksgiving. I’ve been wanting to make this post for quite some time now. This obsession started for me a few years ago when my friend left a teen magazine at my house and said I could keep it. I don’t think she realized how I read magazines. As you know, or may not know I love art. So, when I see a magazine filled to the brim with celebrities I only see faces that are begging to be colored.  I had to obey. Their faces just needed to meet the tip of my sharpie pen and have a little  fun. The possibilities are endless and I assure you, it’s wicked fun. Grab a silly magazine filled to the brim with Hollywood and get out your sharpies and enjoy! You ready for some of my own creations? I warn you…there are a lot of Justin Bieber pictures….I don’t share the world’s fascination but this magazine dedicated a lot of pages to him….

 It is up to you! What do you see in their perfectly photoshopped faces? With a little bit of ink you can turn a normal teenie bopper singer into a grand duchess! Teddy added the hat. Isn’t it a nice touch?

As far as Zac Efron is concerned, in this picture he looked so suspicious. I knew at once he was a death eater. Can’t you just see it? He is standing next to Voldemort and they are showing off their tattoos with great pride. I can see it in the headlines “The Once Sweet Troy Bolton From High School Musical Turns To The Dark Side”

Vanessa is probably Bellatrix Lestrange. I knew there was a reason why I didn’t like her!!

I honestly have no clue who this strange little strawberry man is. Teddy made him into an apple and I added the highly fanciful beard. In actuality, it doesn’t matter who he is. I believe we have changed him for the better. I mean look at him! How many apple headed studs have you met?

Sometimes it’s not about making a celebrity looks absolutely ridiculous. You have the power to add their makeup and alter their clothes to your own pleasure. Go with the flow, if you ruin a picture who cares! Turn the next page and start on someone else. Be as artistic or as crazy as you want 🙂

Haha I don’t even know what to say. They had SO MANY JUSTIN BIEBERS! I GOT SO CARRIED AWAY! I have so many I don’t have room to put them all in this post. Be warned….a flood of Bieber is coming up. I can’t stop this madness.

This is one of my favorite pictures I have colored on. I wouldn’t put it past him to become King. He has hypnotized so many teenagers! He Just (IN) Can’t Wait To Be KING! It’s going to happen. This one makes me laugh! I have way too much fun with these magazines (don’t judge me!).

Are you getting inspired yet? Do you have the sudden urge to gather all of your sharpies and highlighters and just have a hay day? You can do it. I believe in you. Embrace this….”special” creative experience. Teddy and I used to make it into a game. We would keep the magazine and markers in the bathroom (okay I understand how that sounds weird but don’t deny the wonders of the bathroom!  You can read, journal, and draw on magazines in there) Whenever we would use the POTTY we would draw on a different page. It’s really hilarious! I would open up a page and just burst out laughing at what Teddy had created. For the most part I colored most of these magazines but she would draw too. Don’t worry I will let you know which ones are hers 🙂

This is Jimmy Neutron and Joe Jonas’ love child. I didn’t need to touch the bike with my pen….Its weirdness doesn’t need any help. Why does he have streamers and a skull on this handlebars? I do not think I will ever understand this bizarre bike.

Does this picture need any explaining? Hmmm….I’m sorry if it is hard to read 😦 The bottom part says “Yes, Harry’s got a scary scar but now he’s struggling to be respected.” Bahaha 🙂

Do I have any Very Potter Musical fans out there? Teddy and I even dedicated an entire post to this brilliant musical. It is completely worth watching!  If you haven’t seen it….you can watch it right now on youtube  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmwM_AKeMCk
If you are bored it will cure you and make you happy forever. Yeah I said forever, it is just that awesome! It is going to be totally awesome!

This picture is even better in person! My camera didn’t pick up all of the details 😦 But! I think you get the idea? It is a boss Zefron poster! Oh goodness I have no many Very Potter Musical quotes in this!

Isn’t the picture above attractive? Teddy made it. To be honest, it scares me.

There you have it! My computer is mad at me for uploading so many pictures but you know what? It was totally worth it! I hope this post inspires you to do creative things while on the potty too. Trust me, it is so much fun to draw in magazines. I probably get too much entertainment from this strange hobby. Teddy and I always say that our blog is about sharing things that make us laugh and feel better and that is exactly what magazine art does! I wouldn’t be surprised if it cures us all for good! Stranger things have happened. This post doesn’t have anything to do with Thanksgiving…. I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving with your family, friends, cats, dogs, and food. Eat lots of food and tofurkey! Until we meet again ❤ Happy Thanksgiving my dear reader.

Love,

(pumpkin) Pie

Shenanigans

So… we manage to have awkward conversations rather regularly…

Teddy: Is the red toothbrush yours? Because I’ve accidentally used it a couple times.

Pie: *mouth drops in utter horror*

later that day

Pie: So, do you ever have the problem where you’re driving, and from far away you see a runner. And then you say to yourself, ‘man, look at the smexy runner!’ only to realize when you get closer that they’re like 75 years old?

Teddy: The problems we have living in an old person town.

and that night,

Teddy: wow, you have a really beautiful whistle

Pie: bwahahahaha *continues whistling rather self consciously

I don’t know how it happens, but I highly doubt our conversations would be considered acceptable in polite society. Kind of like when we take creeper photographs of our little kid friends when they’re asleep so we can blackmail them during Vacation Bible School. This is all hypothetical of course : )

Speaking of Vacation Bible School, we’re currently researching projects to decorate our room for VBS. Well, I’m supposed to be. I’m actually writing this. There are only so many ways to make a paper mache fish. Well, thats not true. You’d be alarmed with the amount of crafty stuff you can find online. Pinterest is particularly dangerous to a creative fiend like Pie. Eventually she just succumbed to drawing mass amounts of Dr. Seuss fish.

The one thing you don’t understand is that she looks at a picture and reproduces them PERFECTLY. It’s sickening. This random picture I got off the internet has got nothing on her. Regretfully, her talents are better spent drawing. I am left to cut them out, which results in MASSIVE hands cramps. I would like to kindly murder whoever drew his creatures. They have mass amounts of detail and are super spiky.

So this is what we have been up to lately. VBS, and dressing up like pirates/witches and wizards from Harry Potter for the youth events at the library. We volunteer and help out the librarians there. Pie and I have come to the conclusion that we have finally gotten to the point where we have no shame. I’m not entirely sure how long this has been going on, but having to walk through town fully dressed as a Harry Potter character so we could teach Hogwarts summer school sort of brought that home.

All summer, we’ve been doing everything together.  And then suddenly, she had to go back to school. Which means we have to keep in touch via pinterest and texting. She’s currently helping me dress up my dorm room for next semester. Well, we’ve always shared a room. So it seemed rather natural for me to text her at midnight with an awesome idea.

Teddy: Just had an idea as I was falling asleep. What if someone covered their ceiling with old scarves? They could have this cool, ripply, layered effect.

Pie: You should be asleep! Bad Teddy! It could be done right… but done incorrectly it could look like a whore’s room

Teddy: Where do you have all this information about whore’s bedrooms??! night.

Pie: I’ve seen movies ok? it’s not something I’m proud of.

Yes, that was verbatim. Maybe you won’t find it as funny, but it’s how we pass our time. Kind of like how when we drink our broth in the morning we say we’re going to our brothel.

My favorite facebook back and forth was when we were actually in the same room.

Teddy: um Pie? I forgot to tell you this, but I was accidentally on your facebook yesterday and clicked your new friend requests and ___ friended you

Pie: Thats weird. Why would he friend request me?

Teddy: Probably because when I was on your account yesterday I liked his comment.

Pie: But I’m not friends with him! How could I have liked his comment?

Teddy: I was liking my own status…

In case you haven’t noticed, Pie is really funny. So funny you that even when you’re mad as anything at her, she can make you laugh. Like just tonight, we were on the phone and she was narrating our our cockatiel’s love for me.

Cinnamon the cockatiel: *screams* I’M DESCENDED FROM THE DINOSAURS! RAWR!

She’s truly a fearsome thing to behold.

Granted, these conversations usually happen when one of us is intensely sleep deprived (yay time zones!) but we find them amusing. If our humor didn’t make you crack a grin, well, you probably won’t like the youtube videos we’ve been watching lately. So good luck. And so long and thanks for all the fish.

Oh, a few random things I’ve noticed I’ve noticed: 1. on July 10, 2012 we received precisely 2,189 views. Hoping there weren’t that many people with POTS reading our blog (wait, let me rephrase that, I hope there are not that many people suffering from POTS) I naturally went and investigated. I’ve mentioned before that our blog really attracts people looking for Happy Birthday pictures. Sure enough, we attracted over two thousand birthday wishers. That’s a ton. Literally. Apparently July 10th is a very auspicious day. 2. Pie and I share precisely 100 friends on facebook. Thats alarming and makes me want to go hide under a rock somewhere. 3. Our blog has gotten pinned so often on pinterest due to our supermegafoxyhot pictures, we can be searched and have our own page. Like a boss.

Ok, onto the funny videos.

Warning: All of these have some language and questionable sexual references. But they’re funny enough that Pie literally almost peed herself. I’m not kidding, I had to pause it while she sprinted to the bathroom she was laughing so hard at the second one.

this last one made me think of this meme:

Pie also wanted to include this last picture.

That is all. Have a splendiferous day!

-Teddy & Pie

The Only Failure Is Never To Try

Hey guys! It’s Pie, I have two questions. #1 Are you a failure? Be honest! Do you consider yourself a failure? Are you a POTS failure?

#2 Do you try to get better? Do you strive for your recovery by hard work?

My first question has a right and wrong answer. But you knew that didn’t you? I hope for your sake you said that no, you are not a failure. If you took a moment to figure out if you are a failure or not we have a problem. You should immediately know you are not a failure. Question two doesn’t have a right or wrong answer. One answer is just more frowned upon than the other. It’s vital to your recovery that you try to get better. If you consider yourself a failure we have a big problem. Because that’s extremely toxic for your mind. If you think you are in fact “failing” you are doing more harm than good. Don’t feed your mind that kind of poison. It does squat for your recovery. Most of us during some moment in our life have used that mindset sadly. With POTS it’s so easy to start living in a dark place. Everything in your life has turned upside down and NOTHING seems to be making you feel better. Since nothing helps, you stop trying. I did the same thing but I was only 10. I didn’t know what to do. I thought if I rested more I would recover. If you believe with every fiber that you are a failure I desperately want to change that. I don’t want you to live out your life feeling that way. You need to try to recover and strive for your health. You can’t get better by doing nothing. You can still drink tons of water and eat salt. If you can’t exercise try drinking fluids and putting more salt in your diet. No maybe it doesn’t seem like much but what do you have to lose? You might have to go to the bathroom more often? It’s just a step, a step that can help you get better.
One of my favorite songs is called “Things You’ve Never Done” by Passenger.

“Cause you’ve blown out all your candles one by one
And you curse yourself for things you never done
Now your grandson blonde haired blue eyed handsome
Calls you up from London and sits and asks you why
So your answer don’t be scared of failure
For the only failure is never to try”

When I have moments in my life that I am unprepared for I think of these lyrics. I remember going on my first date with a guy and I was pretty afraid. I wrote these lyrics in my journal to capture how I was feeling. I really didn’t know if I liked this dude and my stomach was filled with a parade of hyped up butterflies. Now, why is Pie talking about her first date and trying to relate it to lyrics? Well, they inspired me. Sometimes I find inspiration in really random places. In this song it highlights that the only failure is never to try. You can’t give up on your recovery. What’s important is that you know that you don’t deserve this idiotic illness. I don’t deserve this, Teddy doesn’t deserve it, none of us do. But me acknowledging this fact doesn’t make me less sick.

“But you are not alone in this
And you are not alone in this
As brothers we will stand and we’ll hold your hand
Hold your hand
And I will tell the night
Whisper, “Lose your sight”
But I can’t move the mountains for you” Timshel by Mimford & Sons

I know I can’t prevent you from feeling like a failure….or even motivate you to get better. But Teddy and I want to be there for you. I want you to get better. I wouldn’t wish this sickness on my worst enemy. I know how awful it is to live a life that you feel like is controlled by someone else. Whomever is trying to control my body I am going to give them a bloody battle. No way in heck am I giving up that easily. I am going to do everything I can to take back my life. Whatever the cost may be. I am not a patient person at all. I don’t want to wait for things to change I want to change them now. If we lived in a perfect world I would be able to get better by snapping my fingers together (bummer…I can’t snap). I have to wait. It just makes me work harder for my goal. What’s your goal? What’s the one thing in your life you have lost that you are desperate to get back? Do you want to be able to play with your children (who constantly get up and down which makes you dizzy), do you want to run until your body aches with happiness, do you want to read a brilliant book (without being too tired to do so), do you want to play tennis? What do you miss? I think you can get those things back 🙂 Like the song, I can’t move a mountain for you but I will be there for you and hold your hand throughout the journey. Please don’t be afraid. I know your body is a scary place right now. You and your body need to become balanced once again.

Like a human seesaw! I just compared you and your health to a seesaw…you are so welcome. I get afraid too my dear reader, I am frightened and tired but I’ve got a fight in me! I want to get better and I am desperate to get better. I am getting better. I am so so much better. My progress is a really good motivator for me. It’s okay if you aren’t there yet and can’t visibly SEE your progress. I’ve been sick 7 years and now I can see it much more clearly. Crap….7 years, that’s a really long time 😥 What a depressing number. But in actuality I have come a long way. It’s been a slow incline from how I felt when I was 10 until now. But I am so grateful that I am writing you about my incline in health not my decline. We can get better and we can beat this. My years of being sick are showing me that now.

You can be your own inspiration. I sound a bit self oriented by saying that but I don’t mean it in that way. I personally only know ONE person (besides Teddy) with POTS. You might not know anyone with POTS. It’s hard to find someone who understands and someone who you personally know with that same illness. If someone can’t be your inspiration then you can become your own source of motivation. Since I am quoting things left and right here goes another one. “Some walks you have to take alone.” That is from The Hunger Games. It can be lonely because you are the only person who can make you feel better. We all have moments that we feel the weight of our life pushing down upon our shoulders. This burden can’t be fixed by getting advice from a friend or a magazine. Most people don’t have a clue what POTS is. Why should they? I didn’t even know what it was. Heck, I don’t know about most chronic illnesses. I only found out what POTS was 2 years ago. I have had POTS for 7 years and had NO CLUE! The little bugger tricked me! Truthfully my sickness didn’t need a name I just wanted it to have a treatment. Thankfully, POTS has a treatment. You just have to take the first step. It’s not an illness you have to wait out. You can’t wait for it to just ‘poof’ and disappear! That’s not really how life works that is just how the movie Scott Pilgrim Versus The World Works 🙂

We have to work for our days of energy! They will come. Your mind controls everything. If you give up in your mind your body will also give up. I don’t want that to happen. It’s frustrating when you don’t see a clear boost of energy! On some days its like hitting your head against a brick wall hoping the wall will come crumbling down. A positive and happy mind is what you need. Teddy and I are quite jolly silly sleepy creatures who are enjoying life. Nah, it’s not always easy but life really isn’t easy for a lot of people. You are strong. I believe full heartedly that we can get through this together. It doesn’t matter if Teddy and I know you or if we have met through you reading this blog. During bad situations you have to make the best out of them. We need each other very badly. Don’t listen to the little person in your head telling you, you can’t. I assure you can or at least someday you will be able to. Because, the only failure is never to try. Let’s try shall we? No failure for us! We only will accept excellence! If you didn’t know POTS normally affects girls who are high achievers. That’s a compliment all in itself! We are such supermegafoxyawesomehot creatures. We are high achievers and pretty awesome (if you ask me). We of all people will be able to defeat POTS! Didn’t you read what I said about high achievers! Others might not be able to beat it but we sure can. No pressure because we can totally do this 🙂

Until I highly achieve again ❤
Pie

“To Sleep…” Photo by Khavi

Scream

Pie: When you want to scream because:

You feel like you are watching your life melt away while you lay in your bed

You are too sick to do what you love to do

When even the easiest things are out of reach

When you feel like your friendships are passing you by

When you look in the mirror and only see weight gain

When you can’t get past the ugly half moons underneath your eyes.

When you are falling behind on schoolwork and you are too tired to complete it.

When all your body wants to do is sleep

When you just want to your body to feel as good as your taste buds (when eating chocolate )

You feel defined by your illness

You think of the people who have it worse than you do

You don’t feel independent you feel caged.

When all you can do is scream….

My advice to you is plain and simple, just scream. It makes you feel better, really. So, go for it. Let out one hardy scream. Scream and let the walls feel your pain. I’ve done it at least twice this week. See why I hate POTS? See why I hate chronic illnesses? When you can only express your struggle by screaming. Man it’s been a hard month. When I get sick it takes weeks. First off I just feel dreadful for a couple of weeks and THEN I get sick. I got sick with this awful case of bronchitis. I coughed up a bit of blood and my Mom and sister almost took me to the hospital. But I was way too sick to notice. It was kind of funny though, my horse got bronchitis from the dust in his hay so while I was sick I was outside round-penning him (making him run in circles for exercise in a round pen) and he and I were coughing and coughing and Teddy was laughing and laughing it was hilarious! Now you might ask what kind of sadist makes their horse run in circles when he is sick? Well, we weren’t told he was sick we were told that he had dust in his lungs so he needed to run to get it out. SORRY PACO!!!! He and I are totally over being sick just in case you were wondering ❤  My family made it so much better though. They would make me delicious food and take care of me because they are amazing. Months like these are the types I keep hidden from my friends and people at school. No one needs to know because I am not the person I am when I am sick and dead asleep in my bed cocoon. I know it’s not normal for a 17 year old to be sleeping at 2 in the afternoon while other girls are LIVING and laughing. I make the best out of those naps I must say. I listen to the best music and make sure to have the sweetest dreams. I have a warm kitty to keep me company and enough tea to sink a ship.

When it is too much for you just scream it out. Your cat will understand, or at least leave the room and judge you. But they have every right to judge us we are screaming like crazy people (oh wait that’s me). Remember to think about the people in your house before you start screaming, I tend to scream when I am alone. I do this to avoid scaring my parents to death. If I screamed they would think I fell off a cliff……(no I don’t have a cliff in my house but STILL!) Just keep in mind (while you are screaming) that with POTS you are on cloud nine one week and sick as a dog the next. So, while you are in your sickly dog state think of cloud nine but not vice versa because negative thoughts are NO GOOD! Yeah they slip in anyway but don’t encourage the little boogers! It’s like feeding cockroaches inside your house. Do you want to have cockroaches living in your soul? Hmm? I didn’t think so.

For the most part when I am having good weeks I don’t even think of myself as sickly. I just forget because in all honesty it just is what it is. Yes, I can work to make it better but I can’t dwell on the fact because that’s completely depressing. I don’t like being sad (captain obvious). While living through my “screaming weeks” it can be really scary. But on my good weeks I just enjoy what I have. Every day I work hard to help pave the road for my recovery. I do this without even acknowledging it. I work out, laugh, drink water, eat salt, and I think of these things as the essentials for my life. After a big tennis match I think, ‘okay I need some salt, water, and food’. Train your brain to do this. It takes time but don’t wait because the longer you wait for a change to magically come the longer you will be in that bed.

I know you don’t want to be in your bed. I know that. You know that. Anyone who knows your struggles knows that. One bright side of POTS is if you know how to treat it will get better. You can rely on yourself to reach these goals. You are your own personal doctor. You don’t have a tumor and are relying on the doctors to take it out surgery and relying on medication to make everything better. You may take pills BUT you have to learn how to be your own doctor, your own motivator, your own friend, and your own enemy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you are sick but please just try taking the first few steps on this road. That’s the only way your wishes and dreams of being a healthy foxy person will come true. You want that right? Silly question Pie. You have to crawl to walk and practice to create beautiful music we are so LUCKY to have to work at feeling normal. Mhmm……

But I can scream oh man can I scream. I can scream because sometimes that’s all I can do. And if that’s all I can do why not do it? So my dear readers, enjoy screaming your heads off. Because while you are screaming take heart in knowing I will be doing the exact same thing. Let’s scream together.

Until we scream again ❤

Pie

You Can’t Take The Sky From Me

Hello 🙂 It’s pie. I’m sorry Teddy and I haven’t posted in a while. We actually have written a handful of posts we just haven’t perfected them to our liking. I wasn’t really expecting to write a post today but something came up. I hope you are having a wonderfully amazing winter break! My house has been filled with relatives and it is so much fun. I love this time of year. This is random but I was on the phone and the t.v. caught my eye. The news station was on and they were showing a video of a teenager about my age. At first I thought it was of a suicide case. But as I listened to the phone and read the headlines I realized he was an extremely popular YouTuber. I got really confused, why would a teenager who is so well off kill himself? This is where I was wrong, this boy did not commit suicide, he wasn’t murdered and he most certainly wasn’t kidnapped. He died. He died from a heart condition called (HCM) Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy. Now you see why this is important to me. Teddy and I both have a rare syndrome that involves our hearts. Seeing how his heart changed his life and made him strong, made him inspirational, made him wise, and made his body weak pulled at my heart strings. Please watch his video.

His last few note cards were what really hit me. “I wish I NEVER woke up.”

Once in a dream I went to heaven. I never experienced happiness like I did in that dream. For some reason I was looking at myself look at heaven. I didn’t see heaven, but I felt heaven. My face had the happiest smile upon it and the light lit up my face. I was in heaven. I saw heaven. I knew that heaven was not a place to be afraid of. God showed Ben what heaven felt like. Heaven wasn’t a place of fear it is a place of perfection. Ben’s wish came true on December 25, 2011 Christmas Day. His heart once again stopped and this time it didn’t start back up again. I can’t say that I understand being so close to touching death and then returning to life. I have never nearly died. My heart has never stopped. But I have felt like I was going to die before. I have been afraid, terrified even, of my body. I am so thankful for his video though. When I think of all of the people his video touched it is more of a miracle than a video. I am having a hard time expressing what my heart is feeling. I am really sad, but also happy in knowing he is with God. That is exactly where everyone belongs. From what I can tell, he lived and died with God. I want to do the same. Our diseases have an impact on our lives and I am not going to deny that. We are not defined by the medication we take or the bodies we were born in. We are not being punished. As hard as it is to believe that it is true. I didn’t do anything to deserve my illness and neither did you. Some diseases result in death and others result in a life filled with pain. But this life has much more to offer than just pain. It offers moments of pure happiness and ease. Think of a moment where all of your cares vanished and you were left in a dream of bliss. No one can take those moments from you.

“Take my love, take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don’t care, I’m still free
You can’t take the sky from me
Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain’t comin’ back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can’t take the sky from me
There’s no place I can be
Since I found Serenity
But you can’t take the sky from me…” Song from Firefly

No matter what my body does to me I will always have the hope of the sky. Corny? Maybe, but I don’t care. Think of how hopeful it is to look up at the sky and know there must be something more up there. Or at night when you are frightened and you see the light of the moon. One night a few years ago I was having an asthma attack. I could barely breath and I didn’t want to fall asleep. I figured if I fell asleep I would stop breathing to put it plainly I would suffocate and not wake up. I was praying so hard. Please God don’t let me die, help me breathe. I didn’t want to bother my parents who were sleeping. So I sat in my bathroom and read my bible. I found a verse

²⁴ “When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.” Proverbs 3:24

I was so amazed. I felt like God had sent me a letter or he had spoken directly to me. It was almost as if he put this one verse in the bible because he knew at one point in my life I would need it. I was no longer afraid and I went back to sleep. I didn’t know if that verse meant I would wake up the next day but I knew it meant I would be with God. I don’t know if this is the first time I have ever mentioned I have asthma. I got it when I was in first grade. I would get awful headaches and have a hard time breathing. I missed a good majority of 1st grade. I don’t remember much of it at all. I was on a nebulizer (a breathing machine) four times a day. Preschool, kindergarten, 2nd grade, and 3rd grade are the only years I haven’t been sick in my life. I am 17. I am not telling you any of this for pity, I don’t want your pity. I want to show you that you are not alone. Teddy and I want to help you. I want you to be happy. Through my years of sickness my family made me happy. I’m sorry this is a melancholy post. Teddy and I prefer to focus on happy things but life isn’t always happy. The focus of this post isn’t sadness though! You can have a hard life and still be happy. Teddy and I are living proof of this. Yes, some days are hard but we don’t let our sickness define us. One thing I really hate about being sick is it makes you have to constantly worry about yourself. When I first got sick I felt really selfish because I was always putting myself first. I’ve learned there is a balance. Take care of your body but also don’t lose your compassion for other things (including friends, laughter, sports, and animals!!). You don’t have to choose between what you do to survive and what you love to stay sane. Sometimes all you need is your medication and your fuzzy cat. My cat is currently sitting on the top of my chair with his booty in my face.

I guess I am saying, you can have a life altering illness and still love life. I love this life. I am so grateful for my time, space, family and God. Hold on to your memories of your healthy body. Just because things change doesn’t mean you have to forget your old self. I remember saying when I was younger to my Mom ” Mom, I don’t even remember how it feels to be healthy.” It took years for that to change. I am still sick but thankfully I do have days that make me forget what it means to be sick. When you forget how it feels to be healthy think of a time where you were so happy that your sickness was cured momentarily. I don’t want to watch this life go by in my bed. I don’t want to be in the sidelines, I want to be in the game. Some days you are going to be sitting on the bench because you are too sick to play. While other days you will the running and striving on the field.

The important thing that you must realize is sitting on the bench is okay too. But don’t give up and sit on the bleachers. Don’t give up your will to fight. Fight for this life. Strive for happiness. You may feel at times you have lost the ground beneath your feet but I guarantee you will always have the sky. I am not going to give up. Are you? You will never know how far you can go unless you push yourself. This may be as simple as taking a 5 minute walk around your neighborhood. A 5 minute walk is NOT a failure! With POTS it can be difficult to stand let alone walk. Add a minute to your walk don’t run if you think you will faint. There is a difference between striving for a new goal and stupidly pushing your body until it collapses. I remember when I could barely go on a walk around my neighborhood now I can go on 6 mile hikes. Push for your goals. Sometimes it may seem that a goal is ridiculously stupid because everyone else takes it for granted while you are unable to do it. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Give your self a stinking break okay? I mean it! STOP PITYING YOURSELF and stop feeling worthless for not being able to run. Pity does squat for your self esteem, do you really want that? Build yourself up. Please? Listen to me 🙂 I would like to believe I know what I am talking about. Even if I don’t please don’t mention it to me (for my self esteem’s sake).

Lastly, I put two back to back posts about death next to each other because Teddy and I prefer happy blogs. Hopefully I have gotten this subject out of my system for a little while 🙂 My point is just this, it is easier to accept the cards in your hand and love life for what you have been given. You only get one hand of cards in life, so why not make the most of what you have. I hope you have a splendid weekend! Rest up and laugh. As always thanks for reading 🙂

Love,

Pie (yumm…..pie sounds really good right now)