Hey guys! It’s Pie, I have two questions. #1 Are you a failure? Be honest! Do you consider yourself a failure? Are you a POTS failure?
#2 Do you try to get better? Do you strive for your recovery by hard work?
My first question has a right and wrong answer. But you knew that didn’t you? I hope for your sake you said that no, you are not a failure. If you took a moment to figure out if you are a failure or not we have a problem. You should immediately know you are not a failure. Question two doesn’t have a right or wrong answer. One answer is just more frowned upon than the other. It’s vital to your recovery that you try to get better. If you consider yourself a failure we have a big problem. Because that’s extremely toxic for your mind. If you think you are in fact “failing” you are doing more harm than good. Don’t feed your mind that kind of poison. It does squat for your recovery. Most of us during some moment in our life have used that mindset sadly. With POTS it’s so easy to start living in a dark place. Everything in your life has turned upside down and NOTHING seems to be making you feel better. Since nothing helps, you stop trying. I did the same thing but I was only 10. I didn’t know what to do. I thought if I rested more I would recover. If you believe with every fiber that you are a failure I desperately want to change that. I don’t want you to live out your life feeling that way. You need to try to recover and strive for your health. You can’t get better by doing nothing. You can still drink tons of water and eat salt. If you can’t exercise try drinking fluids and putting more salt in your diet. No maybe it doesn’t seem like much but what do you have to lose? You might have to go to the bathroom more often? It’s just a step, a step that can help you get better.
One of my favorite songs is called “Things You’ve Never Done” by Passenger.
“Cause you’ve blown out all your candles one by one
And you curse yourself for things you never done
Now your grandson blonde haired blue eyed handsome
Calls you up from London and sits and asks you why
So your answer don’t be scared of failure
For the only failure is never to try”
When I have moments in my life that I am unprepared for I think of these lyrics. I remember going on my first date with a guy and I was pretty afraid. I wrote these lyrics in my journal to capture how I was feeling. I really didn’t know if I liked this dude and my stomach was filled with a parade of hyped up butterflies. Now, why is Pie talking about her first date and trying to relate it to lyrics? Well, they inspired me. Sometimes I find inspiration in really random places. In this song it highlights that the only failure is never to try. You can’t give up on your recovery. What’s important is that you know that you don’t deserve this idiotic illness. I don’t deserve this, Teddy doesn’t deserve it, none of us do. But me acknowledging this fact doesn’t make me less sick.
“But you are not alone in this
And you are not alone in this
As brothers we will stand and we’ll hold your hand
Hold your hand
And I will tell the night
Whisper, “Lose your sight”
But I can’t move the mountains for you” Timshel by Mimford & Sons
I know I can’t prevent you from feeling like a failure….or even motivate you to get better. But Teddy and I want to be there for you. I want you to get better. I wouldn’t wish this sickness on my worst enemy. I know how awful it is to live a life that you feel like is controlled by someone else. Whomever is trying to control my body I am going to give them a bloody battle. No way in heck am I giving up that easily. I am going to do everything I can to take back my life. Whatever the cost may be. I am not a patient person at all. I don’t want to wait for things to change I want to change them now. If we lived in a perfect world I would be able to get better by snapping my fingers together (bummer…I can’t snap). I have to wait. It just makes me work harder for my goal. What’s your goal? What’s the one thing in your life you have lost that you are desperate to get back? Do you want to be able to play with your children (who constantly get up and down which makes you dizzy), do you want to run until your body aches with happiness, do you want to read a brilliant book (without being too tired to do so), do you want to play tennis? What do you miss? I think you can get those things back 🙂 Like the song, I can’t move a mountain for you but I will be there for you and hold your hand throughout the journey. Please don’t be afraid. I know your body is a scary place right now. You and your body need to become balanced once again.
Like a human seesaw! I just compared you and your health to a seesaw…you are so welcome. I get afraid too my dear reader, I am frightened and tired but I’ve got a fight in me! I want to get better and I am desperate to get better. I am getting better. I am so so much better. My progress is a really good motivator for me. It’s okay if you aren’t there yet and can’t visibly SEE your progress. I’ve been sick 7 years and now I can see it much more clearly. Crap….7 years, that’s a really long time 😥 What a depressing number. But in actuality I have come a long way. It’s been a slow incline from how I felt when I was 10 until now. But I am so grateful that I am writing you about my incline in health not my decline. We can get better and we can beat this. My years of being sick are showing me that now.
You can be your own inspiration. I sound a bit self oriented by saying that but I don’t mean it in that way. I personally only know ONE person (besides Teddy) with POTS. You might not know anyone with POTS. It’s hard to find someone who understands and someone who you personally know with that same illness. If someone can’t be your inspiration then you can become your own source of motivation. Since I am quoting things left and right here goes another one. “Some walks you have to take alone.” That is from The Hunger Games. It can be lonely because you are the only person who can make you feel better. We all have moments that we feel the weight of our life pushing down upon our shoulders. This burden can’t be fixed by getting advice from a friend or a magazine. Most people don’t have a clue what POTS is. Why should they? I didn’t even know what it was. Heck, I don’t know about most chronic illnesses. I only found out what POTS was 2 years ago. I have had POTS for 7 years and had NO CLUE! The little bugger tricked me! Truthfully my sickness didn’t need a name I just wanted it to have a treatment. Thankfully, POTS has a treatment. You just have to take the first step. It’s not an illness you have to wait out. You can’t wait for it to just ‘poof’ and disappear! That’s not really how life works that is just how the movie Scott Pilgrim Versus The World Works 🙂
We have to work for our days of energy! They will come. Your mind controls everything. If you give up in your mind your body will also give up. I don’t want that to happen. It’s frustrating when you don’t see a clear boost of energy! On some days its like hitting your head against a brick wall hoping the wall will come crumbling down. A positive and happy mind is what you need. Teddy and I are quite jolly silly sleepy creatures who are enjoying life. Nah, it’s not always easy but life really isn’t easy for a lot of people. You are strong. I believe full heartedly that we can get through this together. It doesn’t matter if Teddy and I know you or if we have met through you reading this blog. During bad situations you have to make the best out of them. We need each other very badly. Don’t listen to the little person in your head telling you, you can’t. I assure you can or at least someday you will be able to. Because, the only failure is never to try. Let’s try shall we? No failure for us! We only will accept excellence! If you didn’t know POTS normally affects girls who are high achievers. That’s a compliment all in itself! We are such supermegafoxyawesomehot creatures. We are high achievers and pretty awesome (if you ask me). We of all people will be able to defeat POTS! Didn’t you read what I said about high achievers! Others might not be able to beat it but we sure can. No pressure because we can totally do this 🙂
Until I highly achieve again ❤
“To Sleep…” Photo by Khavi