Happy Halloween

Pie: HAPPY HALLOWEEN to my goblins and ghosts out there. A shout out to all who are feeling particularly creepy today. I was thinking about halloween, and one major thing about halloween (besides getting dressed up) is getting scared. Right? Going to  haunted houses being scared by people jumping out of a bush and so on. I was thinking of things that scare me, one of which occurred last night actually. It was about  10 at night and I was home alone, I needed to go up to my barn and let one of my horses out of his stall and into the larger arena area. Every time I walked out of my house, I would freeze. I was TOO AFRAID to walk 50 yards in the dark…. PATHETIC RIGHT? Isn’t that kind of how POTs is though? You are too afraid to go out of your comfort zone because you may be punished with ill health in the near future.

I thought the boogie man would jump right out of the darkness and throw me in a canvas bag and I would cease to exist. Pleasant visual don’t you think? I think it took me three times to actually get up to my barn.Once I got there I had 3 groggy horses who were very excited to nuzzle me and rub their heads on my inviting back. But I was terrified to originally go up to my barn. This morning I was almost laughing at myself because it seemed so stupid. In the light my backyard looked inviting and beautiful. With the change of the clock I entered a dark scary arena where I was uncertain at every step.

I’m not normally scared of much though. I (for the most part) like insects except for spiders, scorpions and cockroaches. I’m not even really terrified of them its more of a mutual dislike. That’s kind of it…..like I said I’m not scared of much. I don’t like horror movies haha. But I was really scared when I thought I was dying in 5th grade. I was at the point where I was almost too sick to even notice though. I was normally not really frightened but every once in a while I would get a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and I would ask my Mom if I had cancer. She always said no, thankfully. But it’s a really eye opening experience. I pray for people who aren’t quite as lucky as I am. When they ask their Moms if they have cancer…their Mom will tell them yes. To all of you out there who have gone through that or are currently going through it right now I just want you to know I will be praying for you (it’s totally fine if you aren’t religious, it’s the thought that counts right?). But I feel like all illnesses are scary. Your body is doing things that you have no control over. Once I had a dream I was in a car (or plane????),

my car flew off a cliff and I was falling through the air. I knew I was going to die. It’s actually hard to explain because even though it was just a dream, it was so real and I knew I was going to die. There was nothing I could do to stop it from happening.  I had no power to save myself…nothing could save me. Then out of nowhere a big mat saved me….but that actually isn’t my point. When I think of illnesses I think of a plane (car whatever!) that isn’t working properly. When you feel well the plane flies through the sky without any trouble BUT when there is something wrong with the engine the whole plane is in chaos. That’s how I feel when my sickness takes over. I feel like a plane with a faulty engine. Yes, it is a strange way to tell you that I know how it feels. Everything that I am scared of seems pretty small and silly when next to my REAL health issues. I would much rather be in a blackhole of darkness covered in bugs than have POTS. That’s what makes you brave (not the blackhole stuff….). What makes us brave is the demons we have to face in our lives. They aren’t cute little kids with cotton devil horns. They are more terrifying and more worthy of your fears. I guess I am sort of trying to say don’t be afraid of things that don’t hold a candle to real troubles. Don’t be afraid to try to figure out any possible way to avoid your plane from crashing. Don’t be afraid of what you are, or what your body is capable of. Don’t be afraid. I’m sorry if this is kind of a strange post for halloween… it sort of just popped out. I just don’t want you to be afraid of your sickness. I don’t want it to own you. Don’t feel like it is a bad dream so you refuse to sleep. Don’t refuse to go down without a fight. Have a little fun in there too okay? Be strong, brave, mighty, and be what your sickness have never allowed you to be. You are a free person, whose limitations are a bit different then the average person, but that’s okay! That’s exactly what makes you brave enough to face your fears. I hope you have a wonderful HALLOWEEN!!!! Be safe, eat candy, be bold, be BRAVE!!!!!!!!

❤ Pie


P.S. Here is a really funny video that will make you laugh ❤ Enjoy (Please excuse her need to curse)


One comment on “Happy Halloween

  1. I was laughing so hard watching that I was crying and I almost wet my pants, I’m glad my laughter drowned out most of the f-bombs lol. But in all seriousness I loved your post because having anxiety, that’s all my life is, all those fears, that’s me. So in some sad way it’s reassuring to know that some others deal with something very similar 🙂 thanks!

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