This is Teddy, I’ve had a bloody lot of homework so I’ve run behind on posts. I made a promise to myself that I would write a post a week, that went well. Have you ever noticed that life comes at you in threes? My parents are visiting me at college, I have a Bio 221 midterm that is sucking out my soul, and an english paper due. But that is besides the point, dear reader, this is not my freaking diary. Speaking of which, I’d actually like to talk about that in this post. Diaries, Journals, Pirates log, what have you. They are something I would deem a necessity to every POTS kid. It’s odd, I often feel to0 tired to read (and since I’m a voracious reader that’s rather problematic) but I never feel too tired to journal.
I think it’s because I’ve made a friend out of mine. Now, before you say, “Well, this Teddy character is rather weak sauce, she’s so pathetic she meets her social needs by talking to an inanimate object.” That is not the case. Well, at least not half of it : ) I do have friends, very good ones in fact. Living in a dorm surrounded by girls practically ensures friendship of some kind. But, there are some things you can’t tell your friends, or family for that matter. Things that are simply to mundane to tell people who are well. I can tell Pie just about anything and she won’t be alarmed or bored. Like, being sick nearly every week for a few days. That would alarm a normal person. They want to know if you feel better, not if you feel worse. So, like a practical person, you swallow your honesty briefly and tell a good fib. You feel much better thank you, how is your cat Mr. Tiddlywinks?
But that, my dear reader, is not the way to go about it. It causes resentment, but I don’t have to tell you that. I spent an entire year doing that in high school. Actually, to be frank, I still do that upon occasion. But then you get all that emotional buildup that stems from fermenting lies and ill health. You ponder the fact that no one cares enough to notice you’re sick as dog, and momentarily forget that of course they don’t. You lied to them and told them that life is grand.
I would like to introduce a character that is very dear to me. His name is Bleddyn, and he is my journal. Bleddyn is the Welsh word for wolf, I found it in a splendid book by Sharon Kay Penman. She is someone I would like to talk about in depth, her writing certainly merits it. But that will be for another post. Bleddyn is my friend of the heart so to speak. He is bound in thick green leather crafted with an image of a pine forest and celtic knots. There is a designer called Oberon Designs that makes the most beautiful journals, and they use inserts so you will never “use up” a journal. Pie just buys another journal once she’s filled it up. I just take out a book insert, and put a blank new book inside the binding, ready to be inked. But that’s just meaningless aesthetic detail. Bleddyn is much more than that, he comforts me and listens to all my drivel. I think of him as a great furry wolf running through the forests of my mind.
I love beautiful things, so I researched for awhile before buying my own. I saved up all summer, and bought Bleddyn with my own money. Yes, it seems a little frivolous to buy an expensive journal, but for me it was a good investment. My older brother writes in cheap Meade notebooks, my sister gets sparkly ones at Barnes and Nobles. I bought Bleddyn at http://www.oberondesign.com/ Even if you don’t want to buy a journal just yet, they’re still fun to look at.
There are a few good rules to starting a journal.
1. Name it. Trust me, nothing feels more foolish than writing to yourself. Make sure it’s a name of someone you don’t know, don’t bother writing to someone you do know. I’ve tried that, it’s frightfully romantic for about a month and then you realize how silly it all is.
2. Make a pact with yourself to write in it every day.
3. Whoa there, before you throw up your hands in frustration, hear me out. The third rule is that there is no strict amount to how much you write a day. Some days merit gobs and gobs of words and some don’t. There has been many a day where I’ve written the following,
Dear Bleddyn, that was awful. I’m going to bed. -Teddy
I kid you not. There are days like that for all of us. But there are also days where you want to bemoan the universe or chatter about that adorable person who looks precisely like Johnny Depp. Which leads me to my next point,
4. Write whatever you want. There have been weeks I have written nothing about real life, because I simply didn’t want to. I wrote about dreams, a book, or a beautiful dress I saw. It’s calming to write about something other than the mundane hours you spent doing homework (or not doing homework, as the case may be). Or may be you need to talk about the day, that you felt sick, or had a new symptom, or are simply scared.
A journal is a comfort. I don’t use the word diary because of the negative connotations. We’re not children, or maybe some of you are. And whether you’re a child or not, you still have a right to think. You have a right to feel heard and not judged, and loved by someone kinder than you feel at that moment. So, don’t give up on humanity yet. We’re in a rough place, where we can’t tell people how we really feel all the time. Yet, we also need to, desperately so.
Sorry it was a bit of a bummer post, but I do have something rather splendiferous to share as well….
LLAMAS WITH HATS! Thats right dear readers, it is the most hilarious thing to hit the web since Charlie the Unicorn (and oddly enough, by the same people) It’s sadistic, hilarious, and the most quotable youtube video ever. Some of Pie and my favorite lines are as follows:
“Oh, that is a foot. I appear to have swallowed an entire person!”
“That’s the hotel bartender Carl.”
“That explains why my mojito is taking so long.”
That, and the infamous “Caaaaaaarrrl” lines that sporadically pop up should make anyone’s day better! So, grab a pal, a cat, a sister, anyone. And prepare to be amazed. Just click on this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZUPCB9533Y and laugh your head off.
So I hope that if you learned anything, writing helps. To quote a rather splendid fellow, “keep it secret, keep it safe” (your journal, not your feelings). Get all the acid out of your system and then watch Llamas with Hats. It’s a surefire path to success!